Week Twelve Post Two

While reading chapter nineteen I grew an interest for the section on conflict and learning to listen. Every intimate relationship has the potential to be destructive. The most extreme example comes from homicide statistics: If a person is going to be killed the perpetrator is usually a friend, acquaintance, or relative, especially a husband or wife. Of course this is an extremely rare case of violence and friends that disagree usually go their separate ways, but splitting is less acceptable and more painful for couples. No relationship is always smooth, because each person has preferences and habits that differ from those of every other person. According to a study conflict is less predictive of separation than disgust because disgust closes down intimacy. Other studies argue that conflict may undermine a relationship, but much depends on how the conflict ends, which is usually better understanding or resentment.  One particularly destructive pattern is called demand/withdraw interaction, when one partner insists and the other retreats. This is very common in many marriages and is evident among dating couples as well. An international study of young adults in relationships found that constructive communication was crucial for satisfaction. It is proven that women are more likely to be demanding than men, withdrawing. I really liked this section because I can relate to it. My relationship of three years fell apart mostly because we both had preferences and habits that bothered the other. I think what really ended our relationship is the fact that our separation turned into disgust closing down all romantic emotions. Most of our conflicts would end in resentment rather than understanding. During our relationship we had a huge problem with demand/withdraw interaction mainly because we lacked communication. I was more demanding then he was and therefore tended to withdraw.